Monday, February 28, 2005'♥
28 Feb.. Release of O lvls results.. Firstly wanna congratulate AMOS>> BENSON>> MATHEW>> for passing with good results.. hope to be in the same Poly as u guys wor.. hehe.. so happy for ya..'
Sch was nt tat great.. I was sick.. and it makes mi no mood to do anything at all.. 3/4 of the class do not want to take the test today.. maybe all of us have nt prepared well ba..so my dear sis Gilyn went to negotiate wit the class... i tink almost the whole class agreed to it.. except for one particular grp...Gilyn asked them nicely and they shouted at her.. givin all sorts of excuses.. saying wad tmr got pe/// then OUR DEAR HEROINE.. who is sitting beside GILYN.. stood up and walk to end of the class and change seat.. WTF is she doing.. She is in our own grp lor.. ppl in the right mind would hab help defend our sista.. maybe nt entering into the quarrel but at least stay by her side wad.. I realli dunno wad she is tinking.. this is wad we call frens?? when u most needed her she walked away... GILYN ran to the toilet.. i tink she cried.. and this so Called SISTA/// went to toilet.. and I went to check things out.. I asked her y u nv defend her.. she just simply replied.. i dunno wad is happening and its so noisy.. wa..feel like givin her a tight slap lor..
Wadever it is.. this is not a good excuse.. anyway 2 more months.. I shall tolerate it.. BE NEUTRAL and SHUT UR MOUTH UP is wad I hope to achieve...
I better go and study my test le..if nt wasted GILYN EFFORT>. HEy ger just wanna tell u dun be disheartened.. WE 5 sista will continue to support u de.. thru this incident then i know HUMANS ARE DAMN PROTECTIVE AND SELFISH OF ONE ANOTHER>>>>
Sunday, February 27, 2005'♥
In times of tribulations.. Praise Him.. be like a salmon.. when the waterfall goes downstream.. the salmon will fight its way to go upstream...tats the spirit for humans too.. Keep on walkin till ur reach the other side..
I stayed at home the whole day today.. rushing my projects and assignments.. now trying to take down notes for my OA test tmr.. haiz.. its a stupid test.. the notes are full of craps man.. i tried veri hard to focus but i cant.. coz its damn so common sense.. in the end i spent 5 hrs copyin a single chapter.. I was basically chatting on msn..surfing friendster.. haha.. im realli srry Cindy mummy... but in the end now i finish copying le.. Chat wit a lot of ppl.. and my baobei and ah ru too..ya we r going out this sat.. we decided to change the place instead of cb.. we will be going cocolatte.. bao bei fren say its nice.. so we r going there to have a try.. basically im back to normal le ba.. i try to make myself happy...ya and im gonna enjoy myself..
well Praise the Lord again.. weisi daddy called just now..and asked my mum to look after the two sisters again.. oh great.. im going to see my bubu back here soon.. so now my mum got extra income again.. ya realli thank God for the blessings.. feel kinda of relief.. of coz i believe He is the GOD almighty.. nothing is impossible wit Him...
My love life is blank,, and i do not wish to have any either... just live life simple is my motto now.. those lonely days are over.. look wad i got now.. frens.. frens who decided to accompany run the race of my life... tks to all those ppl who encourage ppl durin this period of my life.. tks gilyn for writing such a nice testimonial for mi.. tks selyn..for accompanyin mi even though ur attached... tks baobei for giving mi the strength and tks chelsia for always listening to my complain..tks fabian for always making mi laugh.. make mi feel tat im not the onli thick skinned ard... tks Eric for talkin to mi.. praying for mi when im not doing well.. tks cindy n xiaohan..for making mi feel tat im nt the onli idiot ard in this world..for those whose names ive not mention.. u know where u stand in my heart...
tks everyone.. and i love you guys..
Saturday, February 26, 2005'♥
Arrrrrgggghhhh... having throat infection.. my throat feel so damn dry and painful.. sian spoil my mood for the whole day man... haiz.. feel so no mood to eat.. wonder when will it be healed...
Today svc was great PST ULF preach a great msg.. abt the CALLING FROM GOD.. ya its veri true.. after service Eric came and talk to mi.. he hope tat i wont be affected by xiao han.. no la if i want to be affected i would be affected long ago le.. and he ask mi to be the helper for the cg.. i told him i need sometime to consider ba...anyway after telling him how i feel.. i felt better le..
Went str home after church.. coz im feeling so irritated by my throat.. Saw my sec classmate JASON and FADZ/// LOL they met each other and I walked over to them yo having EAST VIEW SEC gathering ah.. haha BOTH of them were shocked wor.. haha we chatted awhile.. and were veri happy to see each other after so long.. Jason realli looked different.. more better haha.. both of them are in NS now.. and Jason not like last time always suan mi le.. lol.. tinkin back of the times in secondary school was realli fun.. carefree.. innocent.. ya we all suggested having a gathering soon.. but the qn was who would organise??? LOL.. hope someone can jump out to organise...
Reach home the first thing was to drink water.. wa my throat is so terrible man.. while i was bathing my mum came in and ask where did i place my batteries.. and i told her its on the table.. then she tell mi.. daddy won 4d first prize.. i was stoned for a moment.. must thank mi man.. if not for mi.. he wont won de lor.. lucky i go buy the batteries tat day at JP... lol.. hope to get my commission soon.. ya its onli a few thousand dollars. although its not alot.. but realli happy coz daddy bank onli left a few hundred dollars... and mum was complaining no money everyday.. so this sum of money came just in time.. reali thank GOD for the blessings.. if i got the commission le.. i surely give a good tithe nxt month..
so after all this is finally the best thing tat happen today.. felt happy for them.. coz they slogged so hard everyday.. and nowadays i seldom go out partly becoz of this too.. no money ma.. hehe.. Praise the LORD for the blessings.. now i onli pray for their good health.. btw daddy quited smoking for abt a week le main reason coz its too ex liao... ya must jia you wor.. i jian fei u jian yen.. hahha.. tmr is daddy bd.. hope tat he will be happy wor.. i love ya ah pui.. LOL..
Friday, February 25, 2005'♥
Finally its the end of the week.. happy that i finally endure it through.. haiz.. hmmm at least this week better than last week ba.. hoping to change my mood.. try to be happy...:p
My whole body was aching.. coz of the NPFA test yst.. ran and ran.. in the end i still failed but heng la. nv got the last hehe.. sian have to retake again.. my sch having OPEN HOUSE.. haiz.. got so many ppl.. have to act studious so that they have a great impression of us..
Went to watch movie THE WHITE NOISE wit my seline.. ya so long nv went out to her.. anyway she came BISHAN to watch wit mi.. some ppl veri good ma no need to go sch on FRI.. the show was so so onli.. the ending sux.. and its draggy..so its not well recommended by me..went shop shop ard.. and ate our dinner at the food court.. ya simple day.. but i enjoy myself.. coz of the company tat is wit mi ma.. LOL>> hey ger.. dun tink so much.. i hope tat both of u will stay together.. follow wad ur heart feels..
As usual tmr going church.. tink i had some conflicts wit JERRY.. haiz.. the way he talk realli piss mi off sometimes.. began to wonder abt wad xiao han told mi.. dear ger actually sometimes i feel like wad u tinkin too.. i oso feel veri stress lor.. haiz.. sad things dun say so much ba..
Going to rush my projects.. piang my test.. do other stuffs during this weekend.. tink im going to be damn busy le..
Tuesday, February 22, 2005'♥
Everyone is so busy.. especially in Singapore.. everyday our lives is filled with sch work.. work.. assignments.. projects.. tutorials.. Its so stress.. The pace is so fast so fast.. and if ur the one lagging behind u will have a hard time catchin up the rest...
Then.. u will not have anytime to notice the things and ppl ard u..sometimes u might think that its a minor thing.. and u cant be bothered to even notice it.. Everyone is so busy with their lives.. who would be so free to notice how other ppl feel.. wad happen to them?? actually i find tat human are selfish.. some ppl might not act it out.. some might not even feel they are.. but sub conciously everyone is.. u want the best for urself.. even it means.. sacrificing something in ur life.. I admit I am one of them.. Im selfish.. maybe i acted it too natural.. or maybe u might have notice it and nv say anything... Im srry.. I still trying to change myself..
Today in sch was veri stress.. we were rushing here and there.. esp for Wp.. haiz.. stress.. this wk is going to be a tough week.. coz im havin NPFA test this thur.. 5 stations and running together.. so shiok man.. but i Believe HE will bring mi tru all these days..
When i got back home everyday the first thing i would do is to switch on my com... I will suddenly feel veri ourcasted.. I feel so bored.. facing the computer screeen till 12 midnight was the routine of my everyday's life.. when was the last time my hp rang?? i tink its one week ago ba.. THe phone which used to ring everyday.. seems so cold.. wang called mi yst.. and i did not pick up.. i dun feel like talkin.. and i tink in the end he was pissed off wit mi too.. I seemed to shut myself out from the outer world.. maybe this is only a part from my life ba.. maybe im turning to become mature?? changing my personality?? this is wad I told myself.. I do have a few frens who tried to ask mi wad happen.. but i myself dun even know wad is happening wads more explaining? Nevertheless.. i want to thank them... at least they make an effort....
Watch a show and they say.. when u miss one opportunity in love.. u will need to wait for another three years
... maybe this is just the waiting period.. two more years to go.. If u miss someone that loves you.. U will need to wait for another 3 years..
Is there any logic in this??
Monday, February 21, 2005'♥
Monday again.. Time realli flies.. it seems that God is fast forwarding everyday...maybe He cant wait to return?? to see His beloved Childrens?? Everyday is like a routine to mi.. well anyway the onli thing that motivates mi to sch on MONDAY is the two hrs break.. becoz ill be able to go out of the school wit my sisters for lunch.. and we can shop shop ard... Its nearing March.. and the times that we will be together is getting lesser and lesser... soon all of us will be graduating... walk our own paths.. have our own adultlife...
Two years... how time realli flies.. just a wink of the eyes and we now onli left 2 more months... guess i will miss ISB alot alot.. Been tru so many things together.. all the laughter.. all the tears when ah Chua went Perth.. Today our school had a cleaning campaign.. every class have to clean up their designated class.. so to prepare for the OPEN HOUSE this sat.. although its hot and tiring.. but we enjoy ourself alot.. teamwork...cooperation... u can see it from everyone's face.. I cleaned the railing with Sharrifah, putri, aisha, raeiza, ras, raihana.. it was so fun.. and im realli gonna miss them...
Well... for the time being.. what i can do is to cherish everyone ard mi.. dun wait until when ppl are not here anymore then miss them..
Vcd accompany the most on weekends.. i tink its been two months.. i always stay at home nv go out ba.. dunnno why.. tink maybe i got no money.. so better stay at home and watch vcd ba... simple life... anyway i watch the flash that my fren sent mi yst.. and it was so touchin that i cried.. if u guys are interested its at http://www.kokoro.com.tw/越是兴福越害怕解束。。。 越拥抱越害怕孤独
Thursday, February 17, 2005'♥
Today is vday.. oh wad a great day to start wit in a new week.. dun feel like going to sch at all man.. been having holiday mood till now.. shit.. well.. yst chat on the phone wit bullshit and Alvin.. until 2am.. of coz not two together la.. haiz.. veri confused wit my lovelife now…
I dun ask for much I onli want one stalk of rose.. black oso.. xiaohan..pls be automatic..haha.. and uncle david im still waiting for ur rose until now haha
I dragged myself to sch.. hope tat I wont see any couples wit bouquets of flowers.. hahaha im glad I didn’t saw any of them… attendance for the class was poor man.. tink everyone go celebrate their vday le ba.. haiz.. time passes veri fast and it was our lunch break le.. two hours so decided to go out eat. Then shop shop awhile ba.. Jessie da jie wan to buy presents for her BF.. haha.. Mei mei and I saw roses on sales.. wow its onli four bucks.. unbelievable. Haha so we decided to buy for Gilyn and Hwee Koong coz both of them nv receive before.. ooops I say out le.. ahha ya lo somemore they r not attached ma.. hehe who say vday cant be friendship day?? Lol.. so in the end someone bought for mi.. dun tell u all who lei.. let ur heart itchy itchy hahah.. tks wor…
K la going to do my OA project le.. sian tmr deadline.. im so tired today.. vday is going to end soon 6 more hrs to go man.. haha
song im listening to: wai tao
Its Monday today.. but i dun have any monday's blues at all.. coz today go sch basically to slack.. xiao wei and I was early for sch so we sat down and she ask mi something the minute she open her mouth i knew wat she wanted to say.. Its abt her.. well as i said before i dun wan to blog abt her anymore.. but i was surprised tat xiao wei notice wad is happening and she ask mi y.. reason? I oso dunno y.. maybe as wad ppl have said.. a broken glass no matter how u glued it together the scar is still there ba.. i nv talk to her not becoz im angry with her... maybe becoz once bitten twice shy.. i dun wan to say anything and offended her again.. i just want to keep quiet and live everyday peacefully.. anyone understand how i feel if they were in my shoes??
Tmr im going to sell off my 7250i.. come to tink of it.. this hp has accompany for abt 1 yr plus le.. throughout this one yr.. many things happen.. dunno why as i was lookin for the box just now.. i feel abit sad.. ya u can say tat im emotional.. wadever..deleted off all my photos... my ringtones.. feel like crying but i control myself.. reminding mi its just a hp.. i remember how much i wanted this phone.. how i save money to buy it...this is the phone tat i took pictures wit a lot of ppl.weisi..yongshun..wang..all my precious frens tat i miss so much.. including him.. and it leads mi to the starbucks at Beach road...memories.. memories and still memories.. just now when i read cindy blog.. i nearly wanted to scold her again.. coz she tink of Ben again... but now.. wad am i doing.. vday is coming.. memories of mi and him at marina beach flood back.. the bracelet.. the sea... the promises... everyone have been saying time will heal all wounds.. and tats wad i tinking too..but its nearly one yr.. maybe time can onli heal minor wounds.. as for a deep cut.. it wont heal so fast.. i cant control my tears at this point of time.. yes I cried...i tried so hard to be strong.. when he msg mi i just simply replied.. act as if im living better than he.. but the truth?? Onli mi and God knows..
God pls deliver mi out from all these sufferings... all the memories are tormenting my mind.. now and then.. no matter how hard i tried it just cant to fade off..
Can someone pls tell mi nt to get so emotional over a hp?? How can I be like last time so carefree and happy before i met him??
smile a bit k?? this is wad fabian told mi just now in MSN.. let mi reacall when was the last time i had a good laugh?? when was the last time that i realli feel happy??? the memory seems so fade??? ah.. I remembered the last time was... I cant remember at all... I dunno since when... I forgot tat there is an emotion called happy.. im always not happy at all.. even if i smile or laugh.. all this is fake.. deep in my heart.. IM NOT HAPPY at all..
This yr is the worst.. The yr just started two months... and here I am.. cryin almost one time every week.. there is bound to be something happening in my life.. something which is sad... Im TOTALLY SICK OF MY LIFE.. Cant there be just one THING in my life rite now to make mi HAPPY??
I lost my BURSARY letter... and this form contains $400 bucks.. without this letter.. i dun even need to register for it.. HERE GOES MY $400... Im nt fed up wit my mum for clearing the things.. im just veri fed up wit myself..y do my life sux so much..why is it so unfair.... Im poor realli poor.. maybe most of u might tink tat im rich.. tell u all frankly ba.. both my parents onli earn $1200... haha maybe some of u this is onli the salary of one of ur parents ba.. or maybe its onli 1/4 of their salary ba.. since young i can onli wish to have things... see other ppl got nice toys.. nice hp.. nice clothes..i can onli see.. and wish.. wad i want i onli can silently hope tat one day my parents can buy for mi.. but in the end... i got none of it.. even for hp.. i need to use until its totally..spoilt..then i got the money to change.. all my hp.. comes from the money of the bursary.. in fact i nv use my parents money to buy a hp at all...
Why some ppl are quite well do.. and they can have the bursary... Why some gers are pretty and rich?? Why some ppl are clever and rich... Why am i ugly.. nt clever.. nt rich... always get hurt in my lovelife?? Why do some ppl have all the things in the world.. have all the guys in the world... but why not mi??? why am i the pathetic one..my parents work so hard..and their so old le.. ppl their age oredi retire le.. and here i am still studying... i feel veri guilty.. no one will understand how i feel de.. when ppl of my age oredi graduate liao.. workin here i am still takin money from them... how bad am i feelin deep inside my heart now...
Nothing is successful in my life now.... nobody understand mi.. where is all my frens when i most needed them... where is everyone??
Sometimes i even had the sucidal thoughts in my mind.. its onli tat i dun have the courage.. wad is happening to mi.. why do i become like dat?? I also want to know... can sense tat this yr is not a good yr for mi.. Its onli the starting yet...
As i was typing this entry i kept cryin.. onli Fabian is there to console mi.. I realli want to thank him.. if nt for him.. i tink im mad oredi.. I know him through SKYPE..at first tot he was irritating.. but slowly find tat he is a good listener.. i told him all my burdens.. and he told mi his too.. I thank God for givin mi this online fren...
Lord I realli dunno wads happening in my life... I feel agitated easily.. feel so moody.. Can You pls help me?? I know that other than You nobody have the power to change mi.. Be my guide O Lord... I realli need someone to guide mi tru the darkness that im facing now... everyday is a battle to mi.. A battlefield of incidents.. Im tired realli veri tired.. I dont know how long am i going to continue.. Speak to me O Lord..I realli want to be Happy and Positive.. I tried but I failed.. Its onli You O Lord tat can give me the Strength to overcome everyting tat comes.. Lord Im sorry for all the times tat I blame You... Im sorry for the times i disobey You.. Lord Pls forgive mi...
Thursday, February 03, 2005'♥
song im listening to: La Luna
Its good to have a cool bath when ur out for the whole day.. ahhh so refresh now hehe..went for cg and bible study yst. learn alot of things..and i had a lot of revelation.. i thank God for bringing mi tru everything.. be it good or bad things..
Actually Im in a good mood today.. coz school is ok.. and had a great time in cg.. but as i was typing this entry i was crying.. this time nt for myself but for a fren.. One of my BEST fren..
Know her since my sec sch days.. we were veri close and together wit her twin sister.. just now in MSn... her sis tell mi a shocking news.. my best fren was pregnant.... i tot she was joking.. the news was like a nightmare to mi.. my heart sank..im disappointed coz the guy she is marryin is no one good..he is not EVEN WORKING!!! i feel sad.. coz i dun wan to see my fren having such a simple wedding.. i remember last time when we saw a bridal shop we will imagine how our future wedding will be like... i feel tat its my fault.. i am nt there for her when she need mi.. im always busy wit my own life.. i feel tat im so selfish.. im so fake.. i dunno i dunno why i am so affected.. i pick up my phone and msg her.. telling her wad i feel.. and im happy wit wad she ans mi... i hope to mit her soon.. to tell her tat she still have a fren and tats mi... i guess wad she needs now is support ba.. her whole family disagree with her decision... i dun wan to add on to her burden
I cried and I cried.. wishing tat all these is not true.. up till now.. wad i can say.. is i wish her all the best.. i hope she will realli have a happy life... MR XXX if u treat my fren nt good.. u SURE GET IT FROM MI DE.. UNDERSTAND>>
God i life up ... into Your hands.. I hope tat YOU can give her all the strength for her pregnancy.. I pray for Your protection against her... Let her Be strong be it physically, emotionally or mentally.. Lord let her not regret her decision.. and I pray tat She will have a Good Life... I pray tat her husband will be faithful to her.. Let no one harm her.. In JESUS NAME I PRAY
someone who hopes tat her friend can be happy..
Tuesday, February 01, 2005'♥
My room is black out.. totally no light at all except for a pathetic aromatherapy candle which Veni gave to mi on xmas.. haha why?? am i tat poor tat my mum have no money to pay the electricity bill??? haha no la.. the light in my room tink it work too hard and is demanding for a rest.. poor mi did my typing assignment trying to figure out... the wicked witch handwriting.. and at the same time making sure i did not type anything wrong.. what a great challenge i have here haha...
Today had our Sw lesson again.. ran and ran.. luckily today the side effect is still ok.. tink im getting used to it le ba.. but abit sad lei.. almost half the class did not turn up for SW.. and the reason?? they say they dunno.. haiz.. i admit its my fault tat i did not write on the board or shout to them.. but i did pass around the time-table.. and i did tell them yst ... it just happen tat they nv come yst oso.. haiz.. feeling quite guilty abt it.. as if its my fault.. dunno la.. wads so great being a monitress?? tonnes of responsibilities.. wonder can i even survive this last few months?? I hope i can ba...
In the end i did not sell my hp off.. cant bear to let it go.. oso if ask mi go today.. i will faint ba. my bag was so heavy.. tink im going to register for the weight lifting competition wit chelsia.. coz our bag is always so HEAVY de.. haiz.. si beh sian... tmr i start sch at two in the afternoon.. and i finished my lesson one hr later.. wad a great time-table i have man///tink im going to spend my time sleeping.. its so shit lor.. going for bs tmr.. hopefully.. coz ive been absent for the past two weeks coz im sick.. GOING ON TO PERFECTION.. i hope i will be like wad it says on the Workbook.. hahah.. k la nothing much to blog abt.. boring life boring day..